I know its bad 4 me and the baby, but i cant seem to even want to quit. Everyone has always tried to make me since i started and u know how u feel when people try to make u do something? I am going through a tough divorce, and my soontobe ex husband has kidnapped  my 2 year old since SEPTEMBER!!!!  i feel like im going crazy wondering if shes ok, or if shes picking up HIS twisted habits and views on the world.  but until i can earn the money to pay my lawyer, theres nothing i can do. we were legally married when she was born, so the police cant help. i cant give up my only solace when im already going insane.  i know whats best, but its too much more for me to handle right now. the best that i can do is cut back like i have been doing. i just dont feel like i have my life in control. i feel like a failure at everything. but ill be damned if someone tries to take away this baby!!!!  i cant lose him. even if hes a she, i find out tuesday!!!!! if anyone has any helpful advice, id appreciate it. thank you.

Jennifer, I am trying to be sympathetic to your situation and as non judgmental as I humanly can be, but you need to quit.  I am not worried about what it is doing to you, you are a grown woman...I am worried about what it is doing to your unborn child. I know how hard it is to quit when you are pregnant.  I didn't know I was pregnant and was was smoking and drinking for the first two weeks of my pregnancy.  The min I found out, as hard as it was, I quit cold turkey.

It sounds like your daughter and unborn child mean the world to you...then, show it by staying as healthy as you can so that your baby has a fair shot at a healthy life.  Also, don't give your ex any amunition against you.  Smoking through your pregnancy can really say a lot to a judge that knows and probably doesn't care much about you.

Best of luck to you and I hope that your situation gets better soon.

Shaila

Jennifer

 I am in the same boat with less excuses.  I am still smoking although have tried very hard to cut back.  I don't have any good reasons other than I can't seem to make myself quit and they are readily available since the hubby and most friends smoke.  I've switched down to the ultra light version of the cigaretts that supposedly don't have any additives and have cut down to about 5 per day but I can't make myself give them up.  I am hoping it will help very shortly when I am very obviously showing as I don't know that I will be able to choke down my embarassment to take my big ol' belly up to the counter to purchase more cancer sticks!  If you come up with a magic cure, please let me know! 

I'm trying my best not to judge too but every time you buy a pack of smokes that money could be going to a lawyer to get your dd back!! How bad do you want her back? at 2 packs a day that's about what 12$? there are 30 days in a month so that makes it 360$ a month not going towards your lawyer but up in smoke! *poof* That money is gone the minute you light that cig! Yes I'm going to be a bit harsh because I want you to quit and get your dd back!! I wish you luck. I've never smoked in my life and I'm VERY glad I never had to quit.. but do it for your DD!

Jennifer,

 I definentely feel your pain about not smoking! I am 15 weeks right now and I had to quit after 5 years of smoking.  My husband caught me with a cigeratte in my purse and it started this all out war so I had to completely give it up ..  it is extremely hard I'm not going to lie.  But you have to do it. I don't have a choice because my husband will not allow it. its easier if the people around you help .. if no one cares if you light one up than you feel more comfortable doing it. 

I'm sorry you are dealing w/crazy *** with your ex......to not have your daughter is horrible.  BUT you need to think about this baby.  Have you asked the doctor what smoking can do to the baby you're carrying??

Did you find out if it's a boy or girl?

Considering that I did everything in my power to carry a healthy baby & was told halfway through--the same day I found out it was the girl I was hoping for--that she had a horrible problem & would not live.......it really pisses me off to hear about someone deliberately doing something so hurtful to their unborn baby.

My mom smoke while she was pregnant with my brother & he was born a month early & was a really low weight & always had problems in school....I would never say to her, but I think they are linked.

Since your original post was about 6 weeks ago.....I'll assume you have already come to your senses & quit by now.

 

I am with you Nichole, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I pray for you a healthy baby next time. As far as the smoking, I could never understand someone carrying a life inside their body and not having the will power to stop smoking, and don't give me any, its hard crap. I smoked for 10 years, when me and my husband decided to try for a baby, I quit smoking a year before we tried so my body would be clean for my child, I have now been smoke free for almost 6 years and it feels great. I weaned myself, only took about one month, its mind over matter, if you WANT to do it, you can. And that was just knowing that I wanted to get pregnant, I couldn't imagine having that baby in my body and lighting up a cigarette. I know plenty of women who "couldn't" stop, wouldn't stop is more like it, and every one of them had something wrong with their babies, either premature, low birth weight, breathing problems, some of the kids now that are older have asthma, its so not worth it. Would you stuff a cigarette in your newborn's mouth, or blow smoke in his or her face when their born, I doubt it. So why, why, would you let your unborn child develop on a cigarette? I can't understand it. Grow up, if you're going to be a parent, its the first step in putting your child before yourself. Get used to it!

To helene, nikvin and mrsmonkeytoe: 

I wrote this so i could get SUPPORT!!!!!!  Not some pissed off people who have a small idea of what i am going through.first of all, a couple of you have NO CLUE what its like to try to quit smoking, as you have NEVER SMOKED. and for the one woman who said that you did what a crock of you know what!!!  you didnt quit for your baby, you quit for you. probably cause you have trouble conceiving, and quitting did not make you more able to have a baby. i dont want any more negative responses.  I WROTE THIS SO I COULD HAVE HELP, NOT SOME SNOBS, OR KNOW-IT-ALLS THINK THAT 'TOUGH LOVE' OR CRAP LIKE THAT WILL HELP!!!!!!  IT WONT. IF YOU THINK THAT PUTTING PEOPLE DOWN AND TELLING THEM THAT THEY MAKE YOU MAD WILL HELP THEM, YOU ARE WRONG!!!  IF YOU HAVE SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO QUIT, GO AHEAD AND TELL ME, BUT OTHERWISE, HOLD YOUR TONGUES ON WHAT YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT!!!!!

Hey Guinna- I know you're having a tough time right now. Knowing the right thing to do, and doing the right thing are often miles and miles of pain and suffering apart. I feel your hurt and your distress, and I hope that you will find a way to do the best thing in your own unique situation. THat's all we can do every day, just try to do the best we can, and I know it's a cliche, I know, but all we can do is take things one day at a time. And if a day is too hard, then an hour and maybe even a minute. You can do it, and it is totally possible. Everyone has had their own long road, and their own experiences, just like you. Maybe the others didn't say what you needed to hear, but please don't give up- the rewards will be worth it all!!!

Hang in there, and keep us posted on your progress. We're ROOTING FOR YOU TO SUCCEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

My mom quit cold turkey about 23yrs ago, and dh quit cold turkey 4yrs ago....so two of the closest people in my life did it & they each did it for other....so it can be done & you can do it!.....I won't bore you with the details.

I'm sorry you don't feel supported, but it's a tough topic to be supportive about.  What would your reaction be if you saw a pregnant woman drinking alcohol?

Are you seeing an OB regularly?  I would think they would be pretty concerned.....not sure about supportive, but I'm sure they'd have alot of suggestions on how to quit & fast.

I am not a snob & I sure as hell don't know it all, but I do know you are not in a situation to do it for yourself when you are ready to......you are in a situation where you need to do it for your baby & NOW!  Alot of women are smoking and drinking when they find out they are pregnant but they stop for their babies early on.  If you were supposed to find out the sex a few weeks ago then I guess you are more than 20weeks by now.....

Of course it is easier said than done......but we are all adults & we are all mothers.......and there ain't much easy about that!

 

 

I'm really sorry you felt attacked and not understood.  Unfortunately, it is very hard for many of us to empathize.  I smoked for a while, but quit when I started dating my husband.  So I do know what it is like to quit.  But it was under completely different circumstances.

Many of us here had a hard time trying to conceive, so to wrap our heads around the fact that someone is smoking while pregnant is hard.

I do hope you quit and I wish you the best in that endeavor!

Thank you for your concern. I respond better to things that the last few ppl said. it makes me feel strong and capable of reaching my goals. i am 32 weeks and down to two a day. one in the morning and one at night. i am trying to quit the one at night first, because the one in the morning is like my morning coffee. i have had two ultrasounds, and the bb is large and well. he/she apparently doesnt want me to know his/her sex, because he/she covers him/herself whenever we try to check. in a last ditch effort, my doc scheduled another ultrasound this weds.  pray for a boy, but a girl will be just as great!!!!!     

I would like to say that I too am a smoker, just not currently. I quit when I found out that I was pregnant. It was easy for me though, b/c the smell made me sick. Now that the sickness is far in the past, it is very hard to fight those urges to light one up, but I am maintaining control. I just wanted to say that 2 a day, good for you! There are some women out there that don't even bat an eye when they light up and smoke very publically. I could never do it. I care too much what others think of me. The simple fact that you know you shouldn't and at least are trying your best to not smoke is more than you can say of others. I think you are doing a good job of quiting, and maybe you'll be totally weened by the time the baby comes and have a nice smoke free home environment for him/her. Good luck and keep it up!

2 a day is great.  I was a smoker...I started at 16 and I am now 39....do the math peeps it is over 20years.  I found out I was pregnant on my 39th bday and I quit cold turkey.  Literally at times I wanted to cry.  For someone to say they smoked 5yrs is still nothing to me.  You get into a routine...so I understand your morning and night routine...and the one at night was the one I wanted most.  I quit for myself...not for the baby (although that was a huge factor), but for me...I did not want my child around the smoking, I am older and wanted to be around longer and I did not want to be a cause of anything bad...I'm already scared about my age factor, I could not live with myself adding anything additional to the equation.  The best advice I can give you is to talk yourself out of it...you need to get it out of your mind and move on to something else....it's in our mind...especially now that you are down 2...you know what I mean...you know in the morning and at night you can one....right...you look forward to it....I know... you can talk your self out of it....that is till the next urge comes at you.  Even if its reading a magazine, doing a crossword, you must keep your mind busy....gum and candy were not for me.  If you can find something to do it will take your mind off all your troubles...

I do hope you get your daughter get back, the emotions that rage in our bodies being prego have to be so hard to deal with when you feel life out of control.  This site is supportive and I'm sure you do understand the reactions you received, but if you are down to 2 a day then pretty soon you can live with none...trust me.  However, I am not going to lie, there are times I really have the urge, then I just go on to something else and it passes....I know easier said than done...

Good Luck, you're almost there....think of the money you can save spend on your little bean.

Kim