Since the crafty and well-organized among you already have Martha Stewart and her endless list of Good Things to make the rest of us feel useless, I believe it’s my duty to counteract all that cottage-y goodness by including here, from time to time, a few of my very own Bad Things.
Bad Thing #1: Candy Land
I hate this game.
If Milton Bradley had been around in the early 14th century, Dante surely would have included an endless round of Candy Land in his description of the Ninth Circle of Hell.
Yes, playing Candy Land is the bane of my existence. Of course, Abby loves it. Particularly the Dora the Explorer version. As if a 45-minute tour through Candy Cane Forest and Gum Drop Mountain weren’t bad enough, Dora and her pals add just the right amount of child-targeted subliminal merchandizing I feel we’ve been lacking in our home.
Candy Land has been in heavy rotation here since Abby was about three. But at least in the beginning, when there were no Terrible-Two types in the picture, we could make it through to the end of the game in an orderly fashion. Now, we have to start over at least three times whenever we play because Asher tosses the cards into the air or throws the pieces across the room. Last week, he even tried to eat Boots.
These days, I usually rig the card deck to expedite things. Sometimes, I just hide the box and pretend I can’t find it. Candy Land has turned me into a terrible mother.
Seriously. I would rather be in labor, trapped in an elevator, than have to play this game one more time.