Hi everyone!
Well, I’ve finally summoned the courage to unleash my internal monologue upon the general parenting public, and ePregnancy.com has been gracious enough to lend me a soapbox. Since there are plenty of mommy bloggers already out there chronicling every burp, poop and mispronunciation ejected from the orifices of their adorable offspring, I’d like to try something a little different here.
I will therefore be allotting this blog’s content as follows:
• Pregnancy complaints: 65 %
• Career confusion: 43 %
• Doubts, fears and misgivings regarding parenting abilities: 31 %
• Marital woes: 26 %
• Shopping links to shoes, handbags and luxury baby items I’ll never buy: 24 %
• Body-image crises: 13 %
• Sweet stuff: 8 %
...which brings the grand total to... hang on... 210 percent of pregnant, bitchy, porky, but always pertinent me.
Yup. That sounds about right.
About The Author:
• I’ve been happily-ish married to Dan W. for 8 years, bless his heart, but more on him later. This is Me Time, after all.
• I’m 28 weeks pregnant, and I already have two crazy kids – Abby, 6, and Asher, 2.5. Dan and I decided to become parents because we don’t really like anyone besides each other, and we hoped making a few people in our own image might restore our faith in the human race. (It has.)
• I write, but I don’t think of myself as a writer. That would require a level of self-confidence (and pretension) that far exceeds both my comfort level and my creative output these days. My aging oeuvre includes two novels (Slim Chance and Marrying Up), one non-fiction book (The Newly Non-Drinking Girl’s Guide to Pregnancy), lots of weird medical history articles, and an upcoming (ghostwritten) book on baby names.
• Embarrassing but true: I’m also a regular contributor to US Weekly magazine’s "Fashion Police" column ridiculing the famous and fashion-challenged. Sadly, my once-grand literary ambitions have been put aside for the pleasures of torturing Paris Hilton and coming up with movie-title puns to humiliate celebrities. I am not proud of this, and yet it is undeniably enjoyable, despite the terrible headshot that accompanies my bi-weekly byline.
• I’m Canadian. I’m not very polite, but I do speak French and live in an igloo.
• I have a hemorrhoid. It’s sort of like the boil on that guy’s shoulder in How To Get Ahead in Advertising in that it gives me good ideas sometimes, but it also keeps my rapidly expanding backside on my mind 24/7.
• I may not post pictures of my kids here. Haven’t decided yet if public brag-books are cool or crazy.
Oh dear.
The order of the above list suddenly seems quite revealing: wife first, then mother, career, country, health and, finally, the safety of my children. Nice. Maybe that’s why I haven’t eaten a single vegetable besides corn in five days and my kids are currently sitting in a cold bath three rooms away.
What else? Well, I do love my children. Adore them, actually. Some days, they’re the only reason I want to get out of bed, depressive little minx that I am. Sure, Dan and I may sweat the small stuff sometimes, but we agree that at the end of each exhausting day, our little ones – and our relationship with each other – are our one true source of joy.
Well, that should do it for today’s eight-percent sweet stuff quota.
In conclusion, I hope that Pregnant Pause will be a healing, sharing place where we can all evolve into perfect people and parents together in an atmosphere of mutual respect and spiritual harmony. Failing that, may my problems make you feel a bit better about your own... and may this blog remind me to count my many blessings from time to time instead of just kvetching about them...